CG's Slayers Fairytale Theater: Snowwhite
by Rocky and CG
Summary: My friend, CG's, take on the popular fairy tale. This fic also involves a crossover from another popular anime series. G/L


A Slayers Crossover Fairy Tale of Weirdness  
  
  
C.G.: I think I'm picking on Xellos too much. But then again, he won't be in my fairy tales.   
  
Xellos: That's right.   
  
C.G.: My podium has arrived!   
  
Xellos: Stop that! I'm not your podium. I wasn't created to be a podium. I do not even look like a podium.   
  
C.G.: Just a plain old black cone with designs. Your baby cones are cute though. ::giggle::   
  
Xellos: They are cute when they attack poor unfortunate self-pitying dragons.   
  
C.G.: They look so much like you. Did you name them?   
  
Xellos: My babies last for three minutes so why would I...? Don't call them my babies! They're my minions.   
  
C.G.: Did you name your babies after your "friends", Mama Cone?  
  
Xellos: They're not my babies! They're my minions! Don't call me Mama!   
  
C.G.: At least you don't have bug babies like the over-worlders. I bet you named one Zelly.   
  
Xellos: I have no friends… Dani! Stop checking your e-mail every five minutes. You're acting like a stupid giggly fangirl.   
  
C.G.: So what is wrong with that, my dear podium?   
  
Xellos: Stupid fangirl.   
  
C.G.: Can you make a baby for me?   
  
Xellos: No! They're not babies! And I would never let you own one, just like you don't own character or anything else here. I wouldn't make one for you unless you were tying to destroy the world.  
  
C.G.: But they're so cute. I would love having a little baby black cone protecting me and following me around and doing tricks…  
  
Xellos: And killing people, I know.   
  
C.G.: And I would name it Spike!   
  
Xellos: ::groan::  
  
C.G.: Tell you what. If you do a supporting role in this fic, I will not use you as a podium anymore.   
  
Xellos: It's a little part, right?   
  
C.G.: Of course, my co-hosting pervert.  
  
Xellos: Very well.   
  
C.G.: Good, read the script. Once upon a time there was there was servant of a great and powerful dark lord.  
  
Xellos: Oh Shabby no! ::sweatdrop::   
  
C.G.: The servant was so proud of his master and really happy to serve. And every once in a while, this servant would go up to a magic mirror and say:  
  
Val: Mirror, mirror on the wall   
Who's the coolest and powerful one of all?  
  
Xellosas mirror : Demon Dragon King Gaav of course,  
everyone bows to him in fear  
I know, but if I don't say my lines exactly right,  
Dani will kick my cute little rear.   
  
C.G.: Pleased with the answer, the servant would go off and cook his master's dinner.  
  
Xellos: Well one day, his master didn't come home. Then a week went by and no sign of Lord Gaav. Worried, Valgaav raced to the mirror.   
  
Val: Mirror, mirror on the wall,  
Why didn't my master come home at all?  
  
Xellos: Because he got killed off by the lovely Lina the Pink's blast,  
Compared to her, your beloved Lord Gaav really sucks ass.  
Now your master is dead, he was for nearly a week,  
But I doubt anyone will miss that big, ugly freak.   
  
I'm doing a good job. Yay!   
  
Val: ::roars:: HOW DARE YOU CALL HIM THAT??? ::sobs:: Why??? Why did this happen to my poor Lord Gaav? Oh Lord Gaav… He's was so caring and understanding and kind… Why couldn't it have been me??? Why???  
  
Xellos: Yea, why couldn't it have been you? You never shut up.   
  
Jiras: Oh Lord Valgaav, please don't cry! When you cry, I start to cry.   
  
Val: I will have my revenge on her! She will die! ::laughs:: Slowly and painfully… Lord Gaav… ::sob::   
  
Xellos: Dani, can we skip this? People can read this part in "Legand Of Lina" you know.   
  
C.G.: He hated Lina the Pink like poison for weeks and then decided to do something about it. He hired a huntsman to finish her off.   
  
Val: You! I want you to take Lina the Pink into the woods and kill her. And then bring something back to prove you killed her.   
  
Zangulus: Don't you have any servants of your own?   
  
Val: I have servants, but not competent ones.  
  
Zangulus: Oh… Don't you want to do it yourself?  
  
Val: I do but I'll do it if I need to. I need to live for Lord Gaav…  
  
Zangulus: Whatever…  
  
Xellos: Drat. I thought it would be a short fairy tale.   
  
C.G.: So the huntsman goes and finds Lina the Pink and tells her that he needs to talk with her because he needs her help in doing something. He offers to buy her lunch at a restaurant just on the other side of the woods.   
  
Lina: FOOD!!!! Well sure buddy, if you need my help that badly.   
  
C.G.: They head off into the woods. As Lina walks slightly ahead, the huntsman pulls out his sword…  
  
Xellos: It's huge, BABY!   
  
C.G.: Shut up! And drops it to the ground.  
  
Lina: What the hell?   
  
Zangulus: Please, don't hurt me! I was hired to kill you but I forgot that you were the famous bandit killer and enemy to all who lives. I can't kill you because you'll kick my ass…   
  
Lina: Knock it off.  
  
Zangulus: Either way I'm screwed because if I don't kill you, he'll kill me.  
  
Lina: Here.   
  
C.G.: She takes out her dagger and cuts her finger letting the blood drip on it.  
  
Xellos: Lina, did that?  
  
Lina: Take this to him. He'll buy it. And I'll never return to this place again.  
  
Zangulus: Thanks.   
  
Lina: What about lunch?  
  
Zangulus: There isn't any restaurant at the end of the forest.  
  
WHACK  
  
Lina: ::growl:: You better leave now, jackass!  
  
Zangulus: ::sweatdrop:: Going…  
  
Xellos: Lina is just too nice.   
  
C.G.: With that, the huntsman leaves and Lina ventures farther into the dark and scary woods…  
  
Lina: Ha! This place doesn't scare me one bit!  
  
C.G.: …where she runs into a family of slugs.  
  
Lina: ::screams:: HHHHEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!  
  
Xellos: I knew that was coming.   
  
C.G.: She ran all night and when dawn approached she found herself in front of a cottage.   
  
Lina: Great! I can get some food…   
  
C.G.: Lina knocks on the door but no one answers.  
  
Lina: Hello? ::knocks:: Hello? ::opens door:: Well, somebody lives here.   
  
C.G.: In the house, there was little furniture and a little table with tons of food on it.   
  
Lina: Works for me… ::munch::   
  
C.G.: After she eats all the food, she lays down on one of the beds and goes to sleep. Later that day, seven little chibi's return to their cottage…  
  
Seven Chibi's: ::singing:: HI HO, HI HO It's off to fight we go!  
  
Xellos: ::laughs:: Dani…  
  
C.G.: And they were welcomed home by three more chibi's.   
  
Head Chibi: Oh no, not you! Not until you finish your studies…  
  
Youngest Chibi: ::groan:: But mom…  
  
Head Chibi: No buts, young man!   
  
C.G.: They notice the door to their cottage is open. They cautiously go through the door.   
  
Airhead Chibi: OH NOOOOO!!! The food! ::cries:: NOOO!!!! ::sobs::   
  
Xellos: ::giggle:: How much caffeine were you on when you thought this up?   
  
Jerk Chibi: HEYYYY!!!! That girl is sleeping on my bed! And she's sleeping on my spandex!!!   
  
Hot Chibi: I don't think she meant to do it. She looks tired.   
  
Jerk Chibi: Get up, you!  
  
Lina: ::blinks:: Huh?  
  
Jerk Chibi: I will kill you for sleeping on my bed and wrinkling my spandex! ::charges at her::  
  
C.G.: Lina punches him hard in the stomach and he goes flying out the window.  
  
Green Chibi: Impossible!   
  
Bald Chibi: ::sweatdrop:: Who is this girl?   
  
Three-Eyed Chibi: I bet she can take Freeza on!   
  
C.G.: Lina runs outside where the jerk gets off the ground.   
  
Jerk Chibi: I'm going to blast you for that one!  
  
Blue-haired Chibi: PLEASE, NO KI BLASTING!!!!!   
  
Jerk Chibi: Stand back, woman!  
  
Lina: ::sweatdrop:: Oh brother… Heh. DRAGON SLAVE!!!!!!!!  
  
C.G.: And the jerk chibi was sent over a mountain range.   
  
Green Chibi: What power…   
  
Youngest Chibi: We should let her stay and train us!   
  
Airhead Chibi: We have to ask her first.   
  
Head Chibi: Hello, there. I am the head chibi here.   
  
Lina: Hi, I'm Lina the Pink! I didn't mean to cause such a fuss…  
  
Hot Chibi: Oh, dad's just a jerk.   
  
Head Chibi: My name is Chi-chi. And this is my husband Goku and that is my son Gohan.   
  
Goku: You ate all the food. ::sniff::  
  
Lina: Sorry about that. ::nervous laughter::   
  
Hot Chibi: I am Trunks and this is my mom Bulma.   
  
Bulma: You sent my husband, Vegita, flying. He deserves it though. ::rolls eyes:: What an ego.   
  
Chi-chi: This is Krillin and his wife Android 18.   
  
Krillin: Hi there.   
  
Chi-chi: That guy with the third eye is Tien. And finally…   
  
Xellos: MR. SATAN!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
C.G.: NO!!!!!!!!! NOT HIM!!!!!!  
  
Chi-chi: That is Piccolo.   
  
Piccolo: ::grunts:: Are you the most powerful fighter in the universe?   
  
Lina: I think my sister is.   
  
Piccolo: ::sweatdrop::   
  
Gohan: Oh could you stay here and train us…?  
  
Chi-chi: You have to study! ::drags him out of the room:: And come on girls, we have to make dinner again.  
  
::groan::   
  
C.G.: The women chibi's leave the room and Vegita flies back inside and goes up to Lina.  
  
Vegita: I have never been beaten so quickly. You truly have the power of a Saiyajin.  
  
Lina: A what?   
  
Goku: Us seven chibi's are apart of a fighting group, the Z-Fighters.   
  
Lina: Whatever…  
  
Goku: But are wives make us work in the diamond mine we have all morning and then they make us sell them in the afternoon.   
  
Xellos: Forgot about this part. ::sweatdrop::  
  
Piccolo: We should be training not working in a stupid mine!  
  
Lina: Did you say a diamond mine?   
  
Goku: Yes, and we were wondering if you would sell the diamonds in the afternoon to the nearby kingdoms for us so we can train. We'll be glad to let you stay and help us train in the evening.   
  
Lina: ::smiles:: Sure, I would… ::laughs::   
  
Z-Fighters: Hurray for Master Lina!   
  
Trunks: ::sweatdrop:: Do you think we could really trust her with our diamonds?   
  
Xellos: No, you idiot!   
  
C.G.: And so Lina lived happily with the seven Z-fighters… and their wives. Meanwhile back at the castle, Valgaav was his usual self again knowing that Lina was dead and he can go moan and complain in peace. Thinking he was so smart one day, he went back  
to the mirror.   
  
Val: Mirror, mirror on the wall  
Now is Lord Gaav at peace because of Lina's downfall?  
  
Xellos: Shows how much you know about the outcome of your revenge, you stupid shmuck  
There is no peace for your lord, who looked as though his face was smashed in by a truck  
The huntsman has lied to you, there was no blood that was shed in the woods  
She gave him the dagger and ran as fast as she could  
I know you want to know where the evil sorceress is being kept  
Here is my answer to you: That is a secret!   
  
Val: ::rages:: I'LL BREAK YOU TO TINY PIECES IF YOU DON'T TELL ME RIGHT NOW, YOU %$#&ing MIRROR!!!!!!!   
  
Xellos: ::sweatdrop:: Ok, ok…  
She is living quite happily in the forest so deep   
With seven Z-fighters and their wives, so there you scrawny little creep  
  
Val: Grrr… So, she thought she could get away? I'll show her!   
  
C.G.: So Valgaav pondered day and night about how to destroy her. He calls for his servant.   
  
Val: Jiras!  
  
Xellos: He's going to make Jiras do something embarrassing.   
  
C.G.: Valgaav dresses Jiras up as an peddler wife. And sent him to the cottage when Lina would be alone.   
  
Xellos: Told you.   
  
Jiras: I said I would do anything for Lord Valgaav but why this? ::sweatdrop:: Oh well, once I kill Lina the Pink, he will be happy again. ::laughs::   
  
C.G.: Jiras knocks at the door.   
  
Lina: Who's there?  
  
Jiras in lady's voice: Fine wares to sell, fine wares to sell…  
  
Lina: Oh…   
  
Jiras: Oh, good gracious child! What a figure you got… ::sweatdrop:: Well, you have nothing much on top but you have nice legs and a cute little butt…  
  
WHACK  
  
Jiras: My lace will do wonders for you…  
  
Lina: Well, ok. If you say so…  
  
C.G.: Lina stood there and lets Jiras lace her bodice up.   
  
Jiras: ::thinking:: Oh crap… She's built like a stick and I can't lace this thing tight enough to choke her. ::sweatdrop:: Come on…  
  
C.G.: Unfortunately for Jiras, the Z-fighters came home.   
  
Jiras: ::sweatdrop:: Crap…  
  
Goku: Who's that?   
  
Lina: Some lady selling laces.   
  
Vegita: Nothing is too good for Master Lina! She is the strongest fighter in the universe! How dare you come here and bother her? She's busy! She can't train us if she's tired! I want to learn her technique!   
  
Jiras: I…uh… ::sweatdrop::   
  
C.G.: Jiras falls backwards and his disguise falls off.  
  
Jiras: Mommy…  
  
Gohan: Hey that's a guy!  
  
Goku: Hey, mister! What are you up to?  
  
Piccolo: I bet he was trying to strangle Master Lina so evil forces could take over the world!  
  
Vegita: Get him!  
  
Trunks: Right behind you, dad!   
  
Jiras: ::cries:: MOMMY!!!!!!   
  
C.G.: They beat the living crap out of Jiras and send him home to Valgaav.   
  
Jiras: ::flying through the air:: LORD VALGAAV WILL GET  
HIS REVENGE!!!!!  
  
Vegita: Lord Valgaav, huh? Never heard of him.   
  
Goku: Well, who ever this guy is will be in big trouble if he tries to hurt Master Lina again.   
  
Gohan: Are you ok, Master Lina? Can you still sell the diamonds?   
  
Lina: Of course I can.   
  
C.G.: Back at the castle…  
  
Xellos: Cheer up Valgaav, no time to despair   
Finding good help these days is very rare  
  
Val: There must be a way to kill her.   
  
C.G.: And Valgaav thought of another plan.   
  
Jiras: Gravos!   
  
Xellos: Uh oh…   
  
C.G.: So Valgaav sends Gravos to the cottage when the chibi's were gone. Gravos knocks at the door.  
  
Lina: I'm eating right now! Who's there?  
  
Gravos: Avon lady.   
  
Lina: Great. I need some new makeup.  
  
Gravos: Try this brush, it's the best one out there.   
  
Xellos: Reminder: People in fairy tales are morons.   
  
C.G.: But this was a trick because the brush had a spell on it. When Lina put the brush through her hair, she fell unconscious.   
  
Gravos: Now I will bring her to Lord Valgaav and…  
  
C.G.: The Z-fighters are standing right behind him.   
  
Gohan: You bastard!!!!!   
  
Vegita: NO!!!! If there is anyone who is to defeat her, that person is me!!! Prepare to die!   
  
C.G.: They blast Gravos out of the solar system.   
  
Goku: Oh, poor Master Lina…  
  
C.G.: Bulma runs to the cottage from her workshop after hearing the commotion.   
  
Bulma: What's the problem?  
  
Trunks: Master Lina's dead, mom!   
  
Bulma: Don't worry, my future grown-up son. She's not  
dead.   
  
C.G.: She pulls the brush from Lina's hair and she immediately gets up.   
  
Bulma: I know all about this kind of thing. Tee hee.   
  
Lina: I hate having to play someone stupid…   
  
Gohan: Grrr… I'm going to stop that Lord Valgaav guy…  
  
Goku: Now, now son… We don't even know who he is.   
  
C.G: Again, Valgaav goes to his mirror.   
  
Xellos: I think you should stop sending your stupid hired help  
If you want something done, you got to do it your self  
Don't forget about why you're doing this, everyone knows  
You're doing this for the guy who had bad taste in clothes   
  
That first part doesn't rhyme.  
  
C.G.: Oh shut up…   
  
Val: But how…? ::smiles:: I know. ::laughs::   
  
C.G.: He goes into his secret chamber where he makes a poisonous…   
  
Xellos: Spaghetti sauce.  
  
C.G.: ?????  
  
Xellos: Come on…   
  
C.G.: Fine. And then he mixes a potion.   
  
Val: I am doing this for you, Lord Gaav! ::drinks::   
  
C.G.: To sum it up, he turned into a woman.   
  
Xellos: Ranma would pay big bucks if there was a potion that did the reverse.   
  
Val: Prepare to die, Lina! ::stupid villain girly laugh::   
  
Xellos: You are hot and sexy, your disguise is the best  
But now you have to where a shirt to cover your huge breasts  
  
C.G.: Valerie totally destroys the mirror.   
  
Xellos: No fair! You killed me off. Stupid fangirl!   
  
C.G.: Wearing a new outfit, Valerie goes to the cottage with the spaghetti sauce and knocks on the door.   
  
Lina: Who's there?  
  
Val: Free spaghetti!   
  
Lina quickly opens the door and inhales the spaghetti.  
  
Val: I thought you would put up more of a fight than that.   
  
Lina: People in fairy tales are stupid anyway…  
  
Val: Oh…   
  
C.G.: Lina faints.   
  
Val: ::laughs:: I DID IT!!!!!   
  
C.G.: Like before, the Z-fighters return home.   
  
ALL: OH NO!!!!  
  
Val: Yes!!!! ::laughs:: I, Valerie, have killed her!   
  
C.G.: The Z-fighters attack but with no use.   
  
Vegita: BIG BANG ATTACK!!!!!!!  
  
Piccolo: MAKANKOSAPPO!!!!!!  
  
Goku: KAMEHAMEHA!!!!!   
  
Val: Useless against me.   
  
Gohan: Oh no… if only Master Lina wasn't dead.   
  
Val: NO ONE CAN DEFEAT ME!!!! I am undefeatable!!! ::laughs:: I am…  
  
Chi-chi: Oh yeah? ::fires her automatic machine guns::  
  
Val: ::screams:: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!   
  
Xellos: Don't ever mess with Chi-chi!   
  
Val: ::spits up blood:: Sorry, Lord Gaav. ::dies::   
  
Goku: Thanks, dear.   
  
Trunks: What do we do about her?   
  
Bulma: Duh, we find the dragon balls and bring her back.   
  
ALL: YEAH!!!   
  
C.G.: So they put Lina in a capsule and then they all go to find the dragon balls. Meanwhile, a hot blond airheaded swordsman that has very little to do with the plot appears at the cottage.   
  
Xellos: Where the hell did they get a capsule in this fairy tale.   
  
C.G.: Bulma, of course.  
  
Xellos: Oh…   
  
Gourry: I got lost. I'm so hungry…  
  
C.G.: He finds Lina the Pink in the capsule.  
  
Gourry: What's she doing in there?   
  
C.G.: He opens the capsule and exclaims…  
  
Gourry: She had spaghetti!  
  
C.G.: He shakes her to find out where she got the spaghetti.   
  
Gourry: Wake up! I tasted spaghetti all around these parts. I love the smell of spaghetti… Wake up! Oh my god, she isn't breathing!   
  
C.G.: So he performs CPR…  
  
Lina: MMRRPHHH… WHAT THE %$#@ ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?!?!?   
  
WHACK KICK PUNCH   
  
Gourry: ::cries:: HEY… OOOOWWWWWWWW  
  
Lina: ::growls:: How dare you kiss an innocent girl while she's sleeping?   
  
Gourry: I thought you were dead. OWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!   
  
Lina: That's the oldest trick in the book! Grrr… HOW DARE YOU…  
  
C.G.: Meanwhile the Z-fighters and their wives watched from a distance.  
  
Gohan: Should we help him, dad?   
  
Goku: ::sniff:: That is exactly how my first date with Chi-chi went. It brings back so many good memories.   
  
Vegita: At least he has triple the brain cells you have, Kakarotto!   
  
Goku: Gee, thanks Vegita. That was a nice thing to say.   
  
Vegita: Grrrrr…  
  
Goku: They're so cute.   
  
C.G.: And when things settled down, Gourry and Lina the Pink talked.   
  
Gourry: I'm going to this village that supposed to have the best roast beef in the world. Want to come?  
  
Lina: Sure!   
  
Vegita: What about our training.   
  
Lina: I taught you enough. You guys are fine on your own. You have a new master now.   
  
Chi-chi: Oh, I'll train you all!   
  
ALL: NOOOOO!!!!  
  
C.G.: Lina and Gourry dated for several months and then got married and had lots of passionate sex. They all lived happily ever after. The end.   
  
Xellos: You watch way too much DBZ, you know that?   
  
C.G.: Yep. 


End file.
